How Not to Be Late (5 Tips for People with ADHD)
- Eric Kaufmann
- May 10
- 4 min read
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Hi Friend,
Last week, I had a realization while coaching a client: time management isn’t only about being on time. It’s about relationships.
Here's why...
My client missed her cousin walking down the aisle. Brutal, right?
One email turned into ten. Then she couldn’t find her shoes. And, halfway there, she realized she forgot the gift. My client felt awful.
Her cousin was heartbroken, wondering, “How could she not make it on time for this?”
Until recently, being late was my client's norm. She was constantly disappointing people, not because she didn’t care, but because she doesn't feel time the way others do. If you are neurodivergent (especially my ADHD friends out there), I bet you understand.
Many neurodivergent adults, especially those with ADHD, struggle with time wisdom. We lack internal awareness of how time passes and how long things actually take.
And when we lack time wisdom, our relationships suffer.
Today, I'm sharing a strategy that will help you develop time wisdom and improve time management, not for the sake of productivity but for our most precious relationships.
Let’s dive in.
Why Time Wisdom Matters
Time wisdom is the ability to align your time with what matters most. It's making thoughtful, strategic choices about when, how, and why you do certain things.
Developing wisdom and improving time management is often framed as simply being more productive. But it's also a selfless act in service of others. The return is deep.
Less shame.
Stronger trust.
More ease in your day.
Being late makes people feel unimportant. It sends a message (unintentionally!) that their time doesn’t matter. This can lead to:
Arguments.
Missing important moments.
Letting down a partner or friend.
A reputation for being unreliable.
And worst of all, damaged self-esteem.
And yet, the shame we carry when we’re late only makes it harder to change. We tell ourselves, “I’m just a late person,” or “I’ve tried everything and nothing works.” But those are stories, not facts.
Why People With ADHD Struggle to Be on Time
The most common reasons people with ADHD struggle to be on time are...
Relying on reminders alone. Most of us swipe them away without action.
Identifying as “bad with time.” This belief keeps you stuck.
Lacking time wisdom. This looks like underestimating how long tasks take to do. Let's be honest, it doesn't really take 5 minutes to get ready for the gym. Try 15.
Last-minute task avalanche. Right before leaving, you suddenly remember, "I need to feed the dog!" Or, "I forgot to send that email."
How Not to Be Late (5 Tips for People with ADHD)
Do you remember learning to drive? In the beginning, I checked the speedometer constantly. But over time, my brain learned how to sense how fast I am driving. Learning how not to be late, especially when you have ADHD, is the same.
At first, learning time wisdom takes detailed, intentional practice. Over time, you will improve this executive function skill and naturally understand how long tasks take.
This week, choose one event you genuinely want to be on time for. Use it as your practice round. Then follow these steps:
1) Determine the arrival time, then subtract 5 minutes
Want to be at dinner by 8:00? Plan to arrive by 7:55.
2) Calculate the commute and establish your departure time
Look up how long it will take and add 5–10 minutes for parking or delays.
This is when you need to be out the door. For example, if dinner is at 8:00 and it takes 15 minutes to drive there, plan to leave at 7:30.
3) List all prep tasks and estimate prep time
Write out everything you need to do before leaving: shower, outfit, pack bag, grab keys, etc.
Then, estimate how long each step will take. Unsure? Guess, then double it. Now you know roughly how long it will take to get ready and be out the door.
4) Set two reminders.
One, 30 minutes before it’s time to start getting ready. And the second one, when it’s actually time to begin.
5) Add accountability.
Tell a friend when you plan to get ready. Ask them to check in if they don’t hear from you.
Bonus tip: if you’re running late, communicate! Silence feels inconsiderate. A simple text like “I got caught up and will be 10 minutes behind” goes a long way.
Summary
Time wisdom and time management are often framed as a personal growth tool. But for neurodivergent adults, it’s also a relationship tool. It says: I care about you. I want to show up for you. I value your time.
Learning to feel time doesn’t come naturally for many people with ADHD. This executive function skill is built through practice. At first, you’ll need to follow each step closely and with intention. But over time, these actions become less mechanical.
This week, pick one moment to practice using these steps:
Determine the arrival time, then subtract 5 minutes
Calculate the commute and establish your departure time
List all prep tasks and estimate prep time
Set reminders
Add accountability
Let this moment be your proof: you are capable of changing your relationship with time.
In service,
Eric
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is a Professional Educational Therapist and Certified Executive Function Coach. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an online adult executive function coaching company that guides adults in overcoming disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks so they can unlock their potential. He is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice located in San Clemente, CA, that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident.
