3 Steps I Take to Handle Rejection Sensitivity
- Eric Kaufmann
- Sep 5
- 4 min read
Wondering how to improve your executive function skills as an adult?
Take our free, 2-minute quiz to find out which executive function skill you should start with.
Thank you to our sponsors who keep this newsletter free to the reader.
Hi Friend,
Today, I’m sharing a three-step framework I use to manage rejection sensitivity at work.
As I’ve gotten older, I've uncovered one of the greatest challenges of being a neurodivergent adult with ADHD.
It’s not…
being known as the always-late employee
forgetting to pack the lunch I stayed up late making
opening my email to find a verification code, only to end up in an email rabbit hole
It’s the aftermath.
The anger, anxiety, and shame that follow every action I perceive as a mistake.
Like the pit in my stomach that I couldn’t shake for a week after sending an email to the wrong Jennifer.
Or the reminder of how “bad” I am at remembering things after missing a key detail in a quarterly report.
And the thoughts of how stupid my coworkers must think I am when my “great idea” lands with only, “oh yeah…that could work.”
I always mess something up. What’s wrong with me?
That spiral has a name: rejection sensitivity.
And if you live with ADHD or autism, there’s a good chance you know it well. It's a common challenge I work on with my clients.
Let’s dive in.
What Is Rejection Sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity is extreme emotional distress triggered by perceived mistakes or criticism. While it isn’t an official diagnosis, it’s closely linked to ADHD and executive function skill weaknesses, especially emotional control.
Emotional control is one of our core executive function skills. For many of us with ADHD, it’s a weak spot.
No one loves negative feedback. But while most people can process it and move on, neurodivergent adults often feel it much more intensely.
Rejection sensitivity is like a car alarm that goes off when someone just walks by. It’s way more intense than the situation calls for, and it takes forever to shut off.
That’s because our executive function skills, housed in the prefrontal cortex, take longer to process and regulate feedback.
In a recent study, researchers found that adults with ADHD reported nearly double the emotional distress after negative feedback compared to neurotypical peers.
What Rejection Sensitivity Feels Like
For many adults with ADHD, feedback (even constructive feedback) feels like rejection. The immediate response can be sadness, shame, anxiety, anger, or fear.
That distress doesn’t fade quickly. Instead, it consumes focus, hijacks attention, and leads to catastrophizing.
Then, one of two reactions follows:
We go inward, withdraw, and shut down. This closes the door for growth. Instead of processing and implementing the feedback from our boss, we avoid it. Then, we make a similar mistake, and the cycle repeats.
We go outward, snapping, defending, or blaming others. This emotional response can lead to poor performance reviews, a negative relationship with our boss, and potentially result in job loss.
Neither reaction helps us grow.
But here’s the hopeful part: emotional regulation is a skill. And like all executive function skills, it can improve with the right strategies.
3 Steps I Take to Handle Rejection Sensitivity
Feedback is part of every workplace. When handled well, it's helpful. We become better team members and even earn promotions.
Here are three steps I use to handle rejection sensitivity:
1) Notice it in your body
Pay attention to how rejection sensitivity shows up for you.
What thoughts appear?
What body signals do you feel?
For me, I hyperfocus on the mistake, my emotional state goes flat, and my chest feels heavy.
2) Clear the deck with a grounding strategy
Have a quick tool ready when rejection sensitivity kicks in:
Brain dump your worries onto paper, then toss it.
Take a walk while listening to a podcast.
Try a round of box breathing.
You can learn more grounding strategies in my free course, Break the Procrastination Cycle.
3) Untangle the story
Separate the story in your head from what’s actually happening. Journal through these four questions:
What am I believing right now?
Is all of this undeniably true?
What else could be true?
What is actually happening?
Instead of “I always mess up important projects,” I remind myself: “That’s not true. I’ve delivered plenty of projects without mistakes. Next time, I'll ask someone to double-check my work.”
In my course, The Confidence Code, we use similar strategies to manage imposter syndrome.
Summary: Feedback Without the Spiral
If you have ADHD or are autistic, rejection sensitivity can make feedback feel unbearable. But feedback is unavoidable. And, when handled well, it helps us become a better version of ourselves.
This framework helps you avoid the spiral:
Notice it in your body
Clear the deck with a grounding strategy
Untangle the story you’re telling yourself
With this, feedback becomes an opportunity to grow rather than a trigger to spiral.
This week, when you feel rejection sensitivity kick in, pause, and give this strategy a try.
A final note: if this resonates, I'd love to chat. You can schedule a free coaching session with me here.
In service,
Eric
P.S. Free Mini Course: Break the Procrastination Cycle
Procrastination can seriously impact your mental health, physical well-being, and financial freedom.
My free mini-course, Break the Procrastination Cycle, teaches the 4 emotions behind procrastination, how to spot them, and a proven toolkit to manage them—all in just 30 minutes
If you or someone you care about struggles with procrastination, this course is here to help.
About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident. Book Eric to speak or lead a workshop.
