How to Make Better Decisions Using Your Locus of Control
- Eric Kaufmann
- May 1
- 4 min read
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Hi Friend,
I’ve been in a state of anxious productivity all week. You know the feeling. It’s like being on the verge of a complete meltdown because your to-do list could fill a novel, and everything feels urgent.
Right now, I’m juggling a lot: launching six self-paced courses, coaching clients, training a very energetic five-month-old puppy, and trying to be an amazing husband. Oh, and I’m writing this while traveling to Mexico for a wedding.
I’ve delegated what I can.
I’ve rescheduled what’s flexible.
And still, the only path through seems to involve sacrificing sleep.
On Wednesday, I went for a surf to try and reset. It worked…briefly.
But the second I was back at my desk, still damp from the ocean, the tension returned. The emails. The messages. The puppy chewing a sandal in the background. The voice in my head whispers, ‘you’ll never get it all done’.
If you’ve been there, or are there right now, I see you. People with ADHD (like me) or other neurological differences like Autism, depression, or anxiety often struggle with emotional regulation.
This is the moment I know I need to pause and use my tools. Executive function skills are what help us plan, prioritize, regulate our emotions, and stay focused. And one of the most powerful tools I turn to when life feels out of control is this:
Refocusing my attention on what I can actually control.
Today, I want to teach you how. Let’s dive in.
What Is Your Locus of Control and Why Does It Matter?
Your locus of control is what you believe you can influence in your life. It includes the choices you make, the actions you take, and how you respond to what’s happening around you.
When your locus of control is strong, you tend to focus your energy on what you can do, instead of blaming others or getting swept up by things outside your control. It doesn’t mean you ignore reality. It means you stop wasting energy trying to control the uncontrollable.
Imagine you’re sitting inside a bubble. Floating in the air around you are the things you can control:
Your mindset
How you respond to challenges
The words you choose
When you take breaks
When you ask for help
That’s your internal locus of control. Outside the bubble? That’s the land of chaos:
Your boss assigning last-minute projects
A friend canceling plans
A client ghosting you
A flight delay
When you reach outside the bubble to try and grab these things, your executive function skills burst. You’re distracted, cannot regulate your emotions, lose things, or struggle to start any task.
What Prevents Neurodivergent Adults From Understanding Their Locus of Control?
When neurodivergent adults lack a locus of control, they become overwhelmed easily. The most common mistakes I see are:
Perfectionism
Perfectionism is a sneaky symptom of executive dysfunction. It can look like high standards, but it often masks deep fears.
All or nothing thinking
You stay up late, skip meals, and sacrifice rest because if you don't finish everything, you feel like you failed.
Focusing on what’s out of your control
Instead of adjusting your plan or asking for help, you spiral about how unfair or impossible the situation feels.
Not using emotional regulation tools
You feel the anxiety. You freeze. The day passes, and you still haven’t started. This procrastination cycle is powered by fear, not laziness.
All of these are signs that your executive function skills are being overwhelmed. And it makes sense. Without a system for sorting the chaos, everything feels urgent and impossible.
How to Make Better Decisions Using Your Locus of Control
You can make better decisions using this tool. It takes less than five minutes and helps you reset your focus and regain control.
Step 1
Write down everything that’s stressing you out. Yes, everything. Big, small, vague. Dump it all out.
Step 2
Draw two circles: one small inside a larger one (like a target). The inner circle is what you can control. The outer is what you cannot.
Step 3
Sort your list. Can you control it? Place it in the inner circle. Outside your control? Into the outer circle it goes.
Now take a breath.
Picture yourself sitting beside a river in the woods. Watch the outer circle items float downstream and disappear around the bend. You don’t need to fix or carry them anymore.
Summary
When life feels like too much, pause and use this simple locus of control strategy.
Make a list of everything that is stressing you out.
Draw two circles: a small one inside a larger one.
Sort your list: the inner circle is what you can control. The outer circle is what you cannot.
Let the stuff in the outer circle be.
This short practice strengthens your executive function skills by improving your self-awareness, emotional regulation, and decision-making.
It won’t make your to-do list shorter, but it will make it feel more manageable and give you the clarity to move forward.
In service,
Eric
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is a Professional Educational Therapist and Certified Executive Function Coach. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an online adult executive function coaching company that guides adults in overcoming disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks so they can unlock their potential. He is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice located in San Clemente, CA, that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident.
