How To Prioritize When Everything Feels Important
- Eric Kaufmann
- Feb 29, 2024
- 8 min read
Updated: Mar 28
TL;DR: If everything on your to-do list feels urgent and important, you’re not bad at time management. You’re likely missing the internal scaffolding for prioritization.
In this article, you’ll learn three practical strategies to reduce overwhelm, clarify what truly matters, and finally feel in control of your time again.
Table of Content
Hi Friend,
2016 was the most stressful year of my life. At the time, I knew I was neurodivergent, but I didn't understand how my executive function gaps were making everything more difficult.
I was a second-year teacher and a graduate student taking night classes. The combination of lesson plans, coursework, and self-inflicted pressure left me constantly overwhelmed.
There was so much to do, and everything felt important.
One evening, I broke.
After work, my mind raced with a list of to-dos. As I got into my car, I noticed the dashboard was covered in dust. ANOTHER TO-DO!!!
"How am I going to clean my car, lesson plan, exercise, grade, and do my homework?!?!"
With stress bursting through my body, I started to visibly shake.
My solution wasn't great: pull an all-nighter.
The next day, I was a mess, and people noticed. I was asked, "Eric, are you feeling okay?" at least five times. I couldn't be the energetic social studies teacher my students expected and relied on. After work, exhausted, I bailed on my friends.
Our executive function gaps impact more than just ourselves.
Because I didn't know how to pause, prioritize, and let go, I let down my students, colleagues, and friends.
If I had intentionally prioritized, I would have recognized that most of my to-do list wasn't urgent, but important. There's a big difference between the two.
Today, we're diving into the executive function skill of prioritization with three specific strategies designed for busy, neurodivergent adults.
These are the tools that I wish I had when I was a teacher.
Let's dive in.
If You Don't Set Your Priorities, Someone Else Will
Many of us have heard this saying before: If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will.
While it's a trope, it carries some weight.
If we don't set daily priorities, we notice it:
Our to-do lists feel overwhelming.
We skip the gym.
We avoid updating our budgeting spreadsheet.
Deep down, we know we are moving in the wrong direction, but we can't figure out how to adjust.
In the long term, the consequences get real.
Days without prioritizing our to-dos turn into months and years of putting meaningless stuff ahead of meaningful growth.
The weeks we don't prioritize our health become injuries and doctor's visits later in life.
If we never sit down and set our daily priorities, we will never make time for the most meaningful parts of our lives.
This is why honing the executive function skill of prioritization is so important. At its core, prioritizing is about creating time for the stuff that gives us meaning and purpose.
Why Is It So Hard To Prioritize?
The executive function skill of prioritization is highly complex. When prioritizing goals or tasks, we require other executive function skills, such as planning, emotional regulation, and cognitive flexibility, to operate in the background.
You can probably see why someone who struggles with executive function gaps, like autistic adults and adults with ADHD, feels like they never know what's truly most important.
On top of that, we have many competing demands in our daily lives.
Should I focus on my year-long goal?
Should I knock out quick tasks?
I still haven't cleaned the bathroom. Should I do that today?
If we don’t prioritize with intention, we never anchor ourselves in the present. This prevents us from becoming the individuals we aspire to be.
Many adults with ADHD feel like everything on their lists is urgent and important.
That's why we added it to the list in the first place!
See, many of us never developed the internal dialog and scaffolding to define what 'urgent' and 'important' mean.
Without this, we are at a loss. We know we have tons of things to do, but everything feels equally urgent and important. Then, in many cases, we freeze, and nothing gets done (cue the procrastination cycle).
How To Prioritize When Everything Feels Important
There's no one-size-fits-all strategy to prioritize when everything feels important. Everyone's brain is different. It's up to you to test, tweak, and refine a strategy that fits your life.
Below is your starting point. You'll find two prioritization strategies designed for neurodivergent brains. If you have ADHD or are autistic, these are created with you in mind.
The Eisenhower Matrix
One of the most common prioritization strategies is the Eisenhower Matrix. In short, it allows us to categorize tasks into four groups: do now, schedule, delegate, and delete.
At first glance, it seems easy and effective. But most neurodivergent adults say it's ineffective.
Why?
They haven't defined what 'urgent' and 'important' mean, and their working memory is overloaded.
This is how you can combat that:
Step 1: Braindump
Grab a notebook, open a Google Doc, or a Note on your phone, and braindump ALL of the things on your mind. Big and small. Complex and simple. Get it all out and in one place.
This space becomes your dashboard. You will be revisiting it often.
Step 2: Define 'Urgent' and 'Important'
Before we can choose what's most important to tackle, we need to define what 'urgent' and 'important' mean.
While we all might have slightly different definitions, typically it boils down to this:
Urgent = time sensitive + external consequence
Important = aligned with long-term goals + big impact
These questions help us determine if something is urgent:
Is there a deadline within 48 hours?
What are the external consequences if it doesn't get done today?
Who is affected if it doesn't get done today?
These questions help us define if something is important:
Will this move me towards one of my big goals?
If I could only do three things today, would it make the list?
Is this aligned with my values or something I feel should be important?
Step 3: The Eisenhower Matrix
Now you're ready to prioritize. Using the image below as a guide, categorize each task on your list.
Any tasks that fall under the category “urgent and important” are for today or tomorrow. Focus on completing these tasks first.
Next, plan for "important but not urgent" tasks by scheduling them in your calendar.
Delegate "urgent but not important" tasks if possible.
Eliminate tasks that are "neither urgent nor important."
The ABC Method
If the Eisenhower Matrix doesn't click with your neurodivergent brain, fear not! The ABC Method is specifically designed for neurodivergent, busy adults.
It begins by categorizing tasks into three groups:
A Tasks: must be done today
If an A task isn't completed today, there are serious consequences.
Examples: paying bills, work deadlines, something you promised someone, doing laundry when you’re down to your last pair of underwear
B Tasks: important but not urgent
These will be handled later in the week.
Examples: replying to emails, scheduling appointments, cleaning the bathroom
C Tasks: not urgent and least important.
These are tasks that can be tackled much later. Be careful, C tasks are the sneaky ones!
We often avoid A tasks by doing C tasks.
Examples: reorganizing your spice cabinet, cleaning out your downloads folder, adjusting your Notion workspace for the third time this week.
How to Use The ABC Method
Each evening or morning, follow these steps:
1) Update your task dashboard
This is the only place you write your to-do list. If you don't have one yet, offload your working memory with a braindump. Get everything out of your head and into one place.
You can separate tasks into work and life if that helps.
2) Break down projects
For any task you feel you will not complete in one sitting, break it down into small steps.
3) Prioritize
Put one star (⭐️) next to C tasks.
Put two stars (⭐️⭐️) next to B tasks.
Put three stars (⭐️⭐️⭐️) next to A tasks.
Limit yourself to 3-4 A tasks each day.
4) Create your daily list
This is important. Take only those A tasks and move them to your calendar or a short, separate list. I use the Reminders app or an index card.
We don’t want to stare at the full list all day. That’s what creates overwhelm. A short list of our A tasks allows us to focus on what's most important and forget the rest.
5) Reset
At the end of the day, or the next morning, reset:
Cross off completed A tasks
Move B tasks up to A if needed by adding a star (⭐️)
Move C tasks up to B if needed by adding a star (⭐️)
Summary
As a busy neurodivergent adult, everything can feel urgent and important. We become overwhelmed with the amount of things we want to, need to, or "should" do and end each day in a state of despair.
Without the ability to pause and define what truly matters, we never create time for the most meaningful things in our lives.
Stress builds. Sleep suffers. Relationships strain.
Prioritization is a complex executive function skill. It requires planning, emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility, and working memory working together behind the scenes. This is why it's a difficult skill for neurodivergent adults to master.
While there's no 'one size fits all' approach to prioritization, these two strategies are popular among my adult executive function coaching clients:
The Eisenhower Matrix simplifies decision-making into four quadrants: do now, schedule, delegate, and delete. Click here to jump to this part of the article.
The ABC Method is designed with ADHD brains in mind. It breaks our tasks into three categories, making it easier to focus on what's most important today. Click here to jump to this part of the article.
This week, choose one strategy and give it a try.
And, if you're feeling stuck, you can book a no-cost strategy session with me. Together, we can design and test a strategy specifically for your brain.
In service,
Eric
FAQs:
Why is it so hard to prioritize when you have ADHD or are autistic?
Prioritization is a complex executive function skill that relies on planning, emotional regulation, cognitive flexibility, and working memory operating in the background. Many adults with ADHD or autism never developed the internal dialogue and scaffolding to clearly define what “urgent” and “important” mean. Without that structure, everything feels equally important, which leads to overwhelm, freezing, and the procrastination cycle.
What is the difference between urgent and important tasks?
Urgent tasks are time-sensitive and carry external consequences if they are not completed quickly. Important tasks are aligned with long-term goals and create meaningful impact. Asking questions like “Is there a deadline within 48 hours?” helps identify urgency, while questions like “Will this move me toward one of my big goals?” help determine importance. Defining these terms reduces confusion and improves executive function skills.
How can I use the Eisenhower Matrix if I struggle with overwhelm?
Urgent tasks are time-sensitive and carry external consequences if they are not completed quickly. Important tasks are aligned with long-term goals and create meaningful impact. Asking questions like “Is there a deadline within 48 hours?” helps identify urgency, while questions like “Will this move me toward one of my big goals?” help determine importance. Defining these terms reduces confusion and improves executive function skills.
About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks.
Want to learn more about 1:1 coaching? Click here.
Interested in hosting a workshop for your team or company on how to improve executive function skills in the workplace? Click here.
Looking for guidance on how to become an adult executive function coach? Click here.