How to Reduce Fear and Anxiety When Requesting Time Off (Updated 2024)
- Eric Kaufmann
- Nov 9, 2023
- 8 min read
Updated: Jun 10
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Do you, like many neurodivergent adults, struggle to ask for time off?
Does the mountain of work you will return to prevent you from using your Paid Time Off (PTO)?
Does the anxiety around asking for time off cause you to procrastinate asking for months?
In this blog, I will explain why so many neurodivergent adults feel this way and share strategies to manage these emotions.
I also share a customizable email template that you can use to request PTO and out-of-office email responders.
Let's dive in.
Stressed About Taking Time Off? You're Not Alone
My family lives on the other side of the country.
During the holiday season, I like to take time off from work and travel to visit them.
I always book my flights months in advance in hopes of getting a decent price (is there even such a thing anymore?).
Last year, I booked my flights in October. I could have requested time two months ahead of time.
Instead, I procrastinated.
Asking for time off came to mind during every one-on-one meeting I had with my boss for over a month.
I could not bring myself to ask or even send a request via email.
To be honest...I was scared.
Asking for time off gives me anxiety.
I am not alone. A study from 2018 found
25 percent of millennials felt nervous when requesting time off. Millennial workers are most likely to feel guilty, afraid, or shameful when requesting vacation days.
I tell myself stories like...
What if she says no?
Maybe I don’t deserve that much time off…
What if I lose clients when I cancel some of their sessions?
Here's the thing...deep down, I knew my boss would be totally fine with it!
They were very understanding and even encouraging about taking time off.
Still, I could not bring myself to ask.
Finally, at the possible moment, I frantically typed an email and sent it off. Their response was the same as last year: "Of course! Enjoy your time with your family!"
No questions asked.
Why did I procrastinate and create unnecessary stress in my life?
Why Does Requesting Time Off Cause Stress and Anxiety?
Requesting time off from work can create stress and anxiety, two emotions that are difficult to regulate. This is especially true for neurodivergent adults who may have weaker executive function skills.
We all know that taking time off allows us to regain energy and become better employees.
This thought is rarely enough to push us to ask.
How to Reduce Fear and Anxiety When Requesting Time Off
If you also experience fear, guilt, or dread the mountain of work waiting for you after vacation, I have a few tips. Here's how to reduce fear and anxiety when requesting time off.
Do you procrastinate requesting PTO?
Yes, always!
No, never.
Afraid to Ask or Feeling Guilty?
Fear is one of the most common reasons people avoid using PTO.
Maybe you’ve seen a boss react poorly to a coworker’s request or experienced guilt from a previous conversation about taking time off. This feeling of guilt or shame can prevent anyone from taking action.
If this sounds familiar, try this strategy:
Make a list of the positive contributions you’ve made over the last six months.
Write down how you will feel after taking time off. Recognize that taking time off will allow you to return to work refreshed, with renewed energy and passion. Remember, you’ll be a better employee if you take a break.
Practice having the conversation or write a draft email and ask for feedback from that trusted friend.
When fear causes procrastination we can practice and develop a greater sense of confidence. This will make it easier to initiate the request.
Dreading the Mountain of Work?
For many, the thought of returning to a mountain of work is enough to keep them from taking time off. To ease the transition, use these steps to plan ahead:
Communicate Early
Share your time-off dates with your team well in advance, add them to the team calendar, and delegate responsibilities as needed.
Plan Ahead
Spend time looking ahead and planning for any projects that need your attention when you return.
Send a Reminder
A few days before you leave, remind your boss and team about your upcoming absence and address any last-minute questions.
Prioritize on Return
When you return, spend a few minutes prioritizing tasks for your first week back and set boundaries on what you won’t tackle immediately.
Following these steps doesn't mean your return to work will be totally stress-free, but it will help you eliminate some stress when you return.
Want to learn more about executive function coaching for adults?
We know requesting time off isn't easy. That's what executive function coaching is for!
Schedule your no-cost inquiry meeting today. 👇
My Company Has a Negative View of Taking Time Off
In today’s hustle culture, some companies discourage employees from taking time off.
Working through the holidays and never taking a break can be seen as a badge of honor.
Some managers model unhealthy work behavior, making their employees feel guilty about requesting time away.
A 2018 study found,
...one of the biggest reasons US workers didn’t take time off was fear of being seen as replaceable.
If this is the case, put your request in well in advance and aim to do so during your company's ‘slow season’.
Additionally, consider if this is the work environment that you truly thrive in. Maybe it is time to contact a recruiter or start a job search.
How Do I Request Time Off?
First off, do some research and confirm your company's policies.
How do they require a PTO request to be submitted?
How many days in advance do you need to submit a request?
If an email is sufficient, keeping it short and simple is best.
Try the G.A.S. technique to write your request:
Greeting
Ask
Sincerely
Below is a template you can copy, paste, and recycle anytime you request time off via email!
Hi [name],
Thank you for taking the time to help me with [insert scenario].
I am writing to request time off from [date] to [date].
I will coordinate with [team member] in advance and set an out-of-office email response.
If there are any additional matters that I need to attend to before the {date}, please do not hesitate to inform me.
Warm regards,
[your name]
What if I Need to Ask My Boss in Person?
If a conversation is required, effective and early communication is key.
Think ahead and choose the best time to talk to your boss.
After you have been praised for excellent work or at the end of a positive one-on-one is a great opportunity.
Make sure your boss is not busy or under a lot of stress when you ask. The trick is the read the room.
If you are anxious about having a conversation, practice what you will say in advance.
You can do this with a friend, your partner, a roommate, or into the mirror.
Keep in mind you are requesting time off, not demanding it. Asking politely will produce the best response from anyone.
Instead of saying, “I booked my flights for my summer vacation and will be out of the office for two weeks.”
Say, “I would like to take two weeks off this coming summer. How does July 10th to the 24th sound?”
What if I Get Important Emails While I'm on Vacation?
Before you leave, have a conversation with your manager and team about how emails will be handled.
Will you be checking emails or completely offline?
If an urgent email comes through, who is the point of contact?
Next, set an out-of-office responder that automatically replies to all incoming emails.
In your out-of-office responder, state the date you will return and the date you plan to respond to emails
Pro tip: include the name and email of a team member to contact if the email is urgent.
Below is a list of out-of-office responders that you can copy and paste!
Example Out-of-Office Responders
The style of your out-of-office email should align with company expectations.
Here are a few examples:
Simple and professional
Hello,
Thank you for reaching out. I am currently out of the office and will not be available until [your return date]. During this time, I may have limited access to my email, so my response may be delayed.
If your matter is urgent and requires immediate assistance, please contact [alternative contact person's name] at [alternative contact person's email] who will be able to assist you in my absence.
For all non-urgent inquiries, I will make sure to get back to you by [insert date]. I appreciate your understanding, and I look forward to connecting with you upon my return.
Warm regards,
[your name]
Relaxed and professional
Hi,
I hope this email finds you well. I wanted to let you know that I am currently out of the office and will not be available from [start date] to [end date]. I am taking some time off to unwind and recharge, but don't worry, I'll be back in action on [insert return date].
During my absence, if you have any urgent requests that require immediate attention, please feel free to reach out to my colleague [insert contact person’s name] at [contact person’s email]. [He/she/they] will be more than happy to assist you.
I know being away from work can sometimes be challenging, but I am looking forward to taking time away!
If your request can wait until my return, I kindly ask for your patience. I will do my best to get back to you as soon as possible upon my return.
Thank you for understanding, and I look forward to connecting with you again on [insert return date].
Warm regards,
[your name]
Summary
The reluctance to request time off is a common challenge among working adults. Many people face anxiety and fear when requesting vacation days. Some adults hesitate to request PTO because of the fear of rejection, guilt, or shame, as well as concerns about returning to a mountain of work. Company culture and societal pressure to work without taking breaks also play a role.
To address these concerns, you can use a customizable email template for requesting time off and tips for in-person conversations with your boss. Additionally, address how to manage important emails with an out-of-office responder while on vacation.
By understanding the reasons behind our apprehension and using the provided resources, you can overcome the stress and anxiety associated with asking for time off while enjoying a well-deserved break. Remember, taking time off is essential for your well-being and can make you a more productive and happier employee.
P.S.
If you want to work on your adult executive function skills, consider joining dozens of others who graduated from our Adult Executive Function Skills 101 course. This course teaches you skills to strengthen your time management, personal finances, and more. Learn more.
About the author
Eric Kaufmann, M.Ed is a Professional Educational Therapist and Certified Executive Function Coach. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an online adult executive function coaching company designed to guide adults in overcoming disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks so they can unlock their potential. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice located in San Clemente, CA, that guides students with neurological differences toward becoming independent and confident students and self-leaders.