It’s Not Your Memory: Why Neurodivergent Adults Struggle With Working Memory (and What Helps)
- Eric Kaufmann
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
Updated: 1 day ago
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Forgetfulness isn’t a character flaw. For many, it's a working memory gap.
This article explores working memory in neurodivergent adults, why traditional memory strategies fall short, and how offloading and environmental design improve focus, follow-through, and stress.
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Table of Contents
Hi Friend,
There are three things you should know about me:
If I don’t write it down, it doesn’t exist.
If it’s not on my calendar, I won't show up.
If I don’t set a reminder, I won’t remember it.
For most of my life, I thought this meant my memory was terrible.
My mom is all too familiar with this. As a kid, she’d ask me to go upstairs and grab my socks, hat, and gloves. Then little Eric would proudly bounce back down the stairs with socks and a hat.
Mission accomplished!
Or so I thought.
My dad probably still remembers driving back to school multiple times each week because I forgot my lunchbox in the cafeteria, on the playground, or somewhere in between.
Spelling tests were even worse. I’d have those ten words locked in the night before, then score a six out of ten the next morning.
And when I was a teacher, I would get halfway to work and suddenly remember that I forgot to pack my computer....again.
So yes, it felt like I had a terrible memory.
But as I learned more about executive function and my neurodivergent brain, I realized my memory wasn’t the issue.
Many of the challenges I experienced are now well-documented in research on working memory deficits in neurodivergent adults.
And if you relate to any part of this, yours might be too.
With that said, we all experience lapses in working memory, especially with poor sleep, overwhelm, or stress. But adults with ADHD and autistic adults often experience more frequent lapses in working memory that make everyday life harder.
Like, a lot harder.
Maybe this sounds familiar: a coworker stops by to chat, and when you turn back to your computer, you have no idea where you left off. It feels rude to tell people you can’t talk, but as the interruptions build up, so do your stress levels.
Or a meeting ends, and you know you were assigned something, but can’t remember what it was. Should you ask your boss again? Or, pretend you remember and hope for the best?
Gaps in working memory impact our relationships, too. Like when your partner asks you to grab a second carton of eggs at the store, but you come home with one. They feel unheard. You feel frustrated. And the cycle repeats.
Today, I'm sharing my top 5 strategies for anyone with a weak working memory.
Let’s dive in.
Working Memory in Neurodivergent Adults: What It Is and Why It’s Hard
Working memory is your brain’s mental workspace. Psychologist Alan Baddeley describes it as having three parts:
One system for words.
One for visuals.
A central manager that keeps everything organized.
We use our working memory to solve problems, converse, follow instructions, plan, and focus.
For many neurodivergent adults (like me), these neuropathways work less efficiently, making it harder to hold information in mind.
What Are The Signs of Poor Working Memory?
For years, I wondered why I struggled to remember to do things. Turns out, I’m not the only neurodivergent person with a working memory gap.
"A meta-analysis of 38 studies found consistent working memory deficits in adults with ADHD."
The same pattern appears in autistic adults, especially with complex tasks that require flexible working memory.
Our brains struggle to hold the “where did I put it?” moment long enough to store it and use it later.
Here’s a simple example: you read a recipe that requires cumin, salt, and pepper. You walk to the cabinet, keep those three ingredients in mind, grab them, and return to the recipe.
That’s some strong working memory!
Now, imagine you're in a meeting, and your boss gives you two important tasks to tackle. You leave the meeting, get back to your desk, and those two priorities instantly disappear.
That's a working memory gap.
Others find breaking down tasks overwhelming because they can’t track the steps in their minds.
We feel dumb because when we read instructions, we constantly have to go back to them and reread, even if the step was simple.
We lose our keys, headphones, and wallet in our own homes all of the time. This week, I literally spent 20 minutes looking for my phone, which made me late.
So what can we do about it? Do those brain training apps actually help?
It's not because you weren’t listening, but because your working memory couldn’t hold them long enough.
Do Working Memory Games Actually Work?
I wish I could say yes. But the science says otherwise.
Working memory training helps you improve on the game itself, but those gains rarely transfer to everyday life. In other words, you might get better at the app, but not better at remembering your boss’s instructions.
Instead, the strongest gains come from this formula:
Offloading + environmental design = stronger working memory.
This is the exact formula I use with my executive function coaching clients who are autistic or have ADHD.
The Most Effective Strategy for Improving Working Memory
The best way to improve our working memory is to offload it.
That means using lists, calendars, reminders, whiteboards, or visual cues so your brain doesn’t have to store everything.
This is not cheating. It’s working with your brain.
Here are five simple strategies for offloading working memory:
Use one capture system
Write down tasks, ideas, and instructions in one central place. For me, it’s a yellow legal pad I call my task dashboard. Others use apps like ToDoist, Notes, or Reminders.
It doesn’t matter where you jot things down. It just needs to always be in one place.
Visual sequencing
Kanban boards are great for complex ideas and tasks. On sticky notes, jot down each step and organize them into a column to show the order of the tasks.
I use this strategy to plan and track content creation. 👇
Self-talk
We can get into the habit of using self-talk phrases to remind ourselves to offload. For example:
“When the meeting ends, I will write my top two follow-up tasks.”
“If I schedule an appointment, then I’ll add it to my calendar.”
“If my wife asks me to vacuum this weekend, then I’ll set a reminder.”
My go-to phrase is, “Let me write that down.” Bonus points for saying it out loud or in a whisper. 🤫
Create Visual Anchors
The human brain is highly visual and spatial. When we pair information with a physical location or visual cue, our working memory improves.
You can create a launch pad for your phone, wallet, and keys. Or, put a sticky note on the coffee machine for morning reminders.
The three pillars of executive function
Sleep. Exercise. Nutrition.
These are the pillars upon which our executive functions are built. When we have them dialed, our working memory improves (and our stress levels drop).
Summary
Weak working memory is one of the most common executive function challenges for neurodivergent adults. It affects our focus, follow-through, communication, and relationships.
The good news is that we don’t need to “remember better.” We can develop systems to offload our working memory.
Here are my top 5:
Use one capture system (like a task dashboard)
Visual sequencing
Positive self-talk cues
Create visual anchors
Emphasize sleep, daily movement, and nutrition
Offload the information. Let the tools do the remembering.
In service,
Eric
FAQs
Is weak working memory the same as having a bad memory?
No. Weak working memory doesn’t mean your long-term memory is broken or that you can’t learn information. Working memory is your brain’s ability to hold and use information in the moment. Many neurodivergent adults can remember facts, conversations, or events from years ago, but struggle to hold instructions, tasks, or steps long enough to act on them.
Can working memory improve in neurodivergent adults?
Yes. But not in the way most people expect. Research shows that “training” working memory through brain games rarely improves real-life functioning. The most effective approach is offloading: using external systems like calendars, written task lists, reminders, and visual cues to reduce cognitive load and support follow-through.
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident. Book Eric to speak or lead a workshop.
