3 Common Communication Challenges for Neurodivergent Adults
- Eric Kaufmann
- Jan 20, 2024
- 6 min read
Updated: 15 hours ago
Learn about common communication challenges neurodivergent adults face, why these differences happen, and how they impact work and relationships.
🔎 TL;DR
If you’ve ever struggled to follow conversations, felt misunderstood, or worried your communication style was “wrong,” you’re not alone.
The double empathy problem often causes miscommunication between neurodivergent and neurotypical adults.
Perceived communication gaps lead to lower employment rates in autistic adults
Oversharing, misinterpretations, and weak executive function skills are among the most common communication challenges for neurodivergent adults
Table of Contents:
Hi Friend,
Has your boss or spouse ever asked you to do something, but despite truly trying to listen, you space out? It happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.
I nod along and say things like, "got it" or "yep", meanwhile my brain is saying...
"Wait...what did they just say?"
By the time they finish, I'm scrambling to remember all of the steps, knowing something is getting dropped.
The worst part is that I used to be too afraid to ask for clarification. Something inside me told me I "should" have been able to pay attention.
In reality, a vital piece of my communication style requires visuals or lists. I need to hear it and see it. This doesn't make me less than. It's a communication difference.
For many neurodivergent adults, especially those with ADHD or who are autistic, this happens all of the time.
At work and in our relationships, we experience a communication mismatch, which leads to self-blame, poor performance reviews, and damaged relationships. But it doesn't need to be this way.
Through education and self-exploration, we can learn to communicate effectively no matter our neurological makeup.
In this article, we explore the 3 most common communication challenges for neurodivergent adults to create greater understanding and strong relationships between neurodivergent and neurotypical people.
Let's dive in.
How Important Are Communication Skills?
Communication is essential. It is fundamental to day-to-day interactions and plays a vital role in building connections and personal development.
However, we don’t communicate in the same way. Unfortunately, differences in communication styles often lead to serious challenges for neurodivergent adults.
about 75% of autistic adults are unemployed or underemployed, and this figure rises to 85% among college-educated autistic individuals.
In today's world, where communication skills are seen as so important, these percentages are worrying.
Nonverbal cues, such as eye contact and body language, are often heavily weighted in interviews, yet these are areas where autistic adults may differ from neurotypical expectations.
What many people miss is that a difference in communication style doesn't correlate to a lack of intelligence.
How Do Neurodivergent People Communicate?
Awareness around neurodiversity is expanding, and more neurodivergent adults are entering the workforce. Both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals must understand how to best communicate with each other, whether it be at work or at home.
Ineffective communication can damage relationships, cause frustrations in the office, or lead to massive misunderstandings. Learning each other’s preferred communication styles, recognizing the best ways to communicate, and being patient will pay off!
Additionally, research on autistic adults shows differences in nonverbal communication and ‘double empathy problem’ dynamics, where misunderstandings occur between both autistic and non-autistic individuals.
The first step is to learn each other's preferred mode of communication. Find out if texting or a phone call is best, share previous frustrations, and take the time to learn about how the other's brain works.
3 Most Common Communication Challenges of Neurodivergent Adults
Oversharing
Oversharing is not just “talking too much.” It’s often a difference in inhibitory control and social filtering, both of which are executive function skills.
Do you or someone you know find it difficult to write short emails? Or maybe you've accidentally taken over a conversation, realized it, but struggled to stop talking and give someone else a chance.
At some point in our lives, we have all accidentally overshared.
However, for neurodivergent adults, oversharing often happens and negatively impacts our lives. Some adults report damaging relationships, losing friends, or even being fired due to oversharing.
In many environments, communication norms are unspoken. What is labeled as ‘oversharing’ is often a mismatch between direct, detailed communication and environments that expect brevity or indirectness.
The cause of oversharing varies from person to person. Most commonly, struggles with impulse control and social-pragmatic processing, both of which are components of executive function.
Misinterpretations
Sometimes, what we say isn't what we mean. We might use irony, sarcasm, or body language to show we are joking. This can lead to misinterpretations.
But research shows this is often a two-way breakdown. Neurotypical communication relies heavily on implied meaning, sarcasm, and nonverbal cues, which are not always explicitly taught or shared.
"People are so confusing! They say the opposite of what they mean. They make jokes without saying they are joking. How am I supposed to understand them?"
At work, ambiguous directions, instructions repeated in multiple ways, or steps explained without a visual often lead to mistakes.
Neurodivergent people benefit from clear, detailed explanations that are given both verbally and, when possible, include a visual example.
Weak executive functions
Executive function challenges impact communication in three core areas:
Working memory: holding information in mind during a conversation
Impulse control: not interrupting and filtering thoughts
Cognitive flexibility: shifting topics and reading social cues
Consider Mark, who is speaking to his best friend on the phone. His friend mentions how difficult it is to balance work and his new baby. Mark knows that feeling well and jumps into a story from his life. While trying to be empathetic, this leaves Mark's friend feeling as if Mark took over the conversation and doesn't care about his struggles.
For other neurodivergent adults, organizing thoughts in a logical order is a challenge, especially in high-pressure situations. Whether in an interview or while typing out an email, ideas may appear jumbled and out of order. The interviewee or reader may assume this person does not know what they are talking about or is unprofessional, when in reality, it's another instance of the double-empathy problem.
How Can Executive Function Coaching Help?
As an executive function coach, the primary goal is not to change the inherent communication style of a neurodivergent person. Instead, it's about helping them understand how their style may differ from that of neurotypical adults.
This understanding enables both parties to find effective ways to interact. Similarly, neurotypical individuals can learn to adapt their communication to better connect with their neurodivergent coworkers and family members. Patience and an appreciation for different communication styles are key.
3 Ways Executive Function Coaches Can Help
1) Understanding natural communication styles
Because we all communicate differently, learning about our communication style and preferences allows us to advocate effectively. Through executive function coaching, neurodivergent adults uncover their genuine communication style and learn how it may be misinterpreted.
This isn't about masking or unmasking, but instead developing a deeper understanding of how our brain works.
2) Developing tools and external supports
Because working memory and organization impact communication, many neurodivergent adults benefit from externalizing their thoughts.
Executive function coaches help create structured email templates, checklists before meetings, or simple frameworks to organize responses.
3) Practical exercises
Recent research found that communication skills fade after one-off workshops or coaching sessions. However, small moments of practice each week create a more lasting effect.
Coaches can role-play interviews, social interactions, and practice having difficult conversations at work or home.
If communication challenges are affecting your work, relationships, or confidence, executive function coaching can help you build practical tools that fit the way your brain works.
Summary
Effective communication is essential for expression, understanding, and collaboration, especially in the context of neurodiversity.
Neurodivergent individuals often face unique challenges, such as oversharing, misinterpreting cues, and managing executive functions, which can impact their interactions with others.
Executive function coaching offers a pathway to better understanding and managing these challenges. It empowers neurodivergent adults to express themselves more effectively and build stronger connections with neurotypical individuals. This coaching is not about changing one's inherent communication style but rather enhancing and adapting it for various contexts.
For neurotypical individuals, this journey involves adapting their communication to connect more meaningfully with neurodivergent individuals. Through patience, understanding, and mutual learning, we can foster more inclusive and empathetic environments.
In service,
Eric
FAQs:
Why do neurodivergent adults struggle with communication?
Many neurodivergent adults do not struggle because they lack intelligence or effort. Communication challenges often come from differences in working memory, processing speed, impulse control, sensory needs, social expectations, and how clearly information is presented.
How does autism affect communication?
Autistic adults may communicate more directly, miss implied meaning, prefer clear expectations, or experience challenges with unwritten social rules. Many misunderstandings happen because autistic and non-autistic people use different communication styles.
How does ADHD affect communication?
ADHD can affect communication through interrupting, losing track of details, forgetting instructions, oversharing, or struggling to organize thoughts in real time.
About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks.
Want to learn more about 1:1 coaching? Click here.
Interested in hosting a workshop for your team or company on how to improve executive function skills in the workplace? Click here.
Looking for guidance on how to become an adult executive function coach? Click here.
