Why Big Goals Backfire (And What to Do Instead)
- Eric Kaufmann
- Jul 24
- 5 min read
Updated: Aug 1
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Hi Friend,
The internet is obsessed with big goals.
Save $10,000.
Lose 20 pounds.
Wake up at 6 a.m. every day.
Find your soulmate and live happily ever after.
It’s too much. It’s too big. It’s too fast.
If you're in the cycle of setting big goals but never making serious progress, it’s not because you’re lazy or incapable. It's because the way you’re setting goals doesn’t work with your neurodivergent brain.
That garden you’ve been mentally mapping out for three summers?
The trip to Europe that lives on your bucket list?
Saving for a future home, but not knowing where to start?
All of those are amazing dreams, but doing nothing toward them can throw you into what I call the Executive Function Shame Spiral.
Why can’t I just get started?
This shouldn’t be so hard.
What’s wrong with me?
That used to be me. And, it’s the same loop I see in so many of my clients:
They hate their jobs but can’t start looking.
They want to save more money, but freeze when it comes to making a plan.
They feel stuck, knowing what they want but unable to act on it.
But there’s one small shift that has made a huge difference in how I work toward my goals—and how my clients make progress, too.
It's a part of how I prep for my week. It's a strategy I use in every coaching session. And, it might be the most important skill my clients take away from our work together.
Micro goals.
Today, we are going to learn how to use micro goals to finally make progress on the big stuff.
Let's dive in.
Why Setting Small Goals Works (and Big Goals Backfire)
Micro goals are small, actionable steps that move you forward, without overwhelming your brain. Setting them reduces cognitive load on our executive function skills, making it easier to get started and manage stress.
In short, micro goals make it easy to make progress on a huge goal.
They work especially well for neurodivergent adults, like those who are autistic or have ADHD, because...
Life is busy. One micro goal per week is realistic.
Big, vague goals feel paralyzing. Micro goals make them doable.
Small wins build momentum. And, increase dopamine.
You can start anywhere. Imperfect action is better than no action.
Here are a few examples to get your ideas flowing:
Find a new job → Write down the name of one person to network with.
Save more money → Transfer $10 to savings.
Be on time → Leave the house 5 minutes earlier on Thursday.
Exercise 3x/week → Take one 15-minute walk after work.
The Most Common Mistakes People Make When Setting Goals
Setting goals is great, but when studies show that 92% of people never reach them, something needs to change.
The three most common mistakes neurodivergent adults make when trying to set micro-goals are:
Setting too many
It would be great to update your monthly budget, apply to a job, and exercise five times this week. But between family and work…that many goals set you up for failure.
Choosing something you've avoided for weeks
If “call the doctor” has been on your to-do list for a month, making it a micro-goal won’t be enough to take action. Remember, there's a difference between "easy" and "simple" tasks.
Not making it small enough
Micro-goals are tiny. If you've struggled to reach goals in the past, start small. So small and simple, you would be silly not to do it.
That might mean studying for 30 minutes isn't small enough. Instead, try to open up your study materials before 12:00 pm on Saturday.
How to Set a Micro Goal
Big goals backfire. Instead, each Sunday, I set three micro goals for the week. After a few years, I refined my strategy into three steps that take less than 5 minutes:
1. Pick a big goal you care about.
Finding a new job. Saving for a trip. Showing up on time. Feeling better in your body.
If you are unsure of where to start, use my goal setting framework. This guide helps you identify the goal that is most important to you.
2. Choose one step to take this week.
I know this is easier said than done. So, here's an important twist for neurodivergent brains:
Don’t try to break down the goal into every single step. Just break it down into one. Take one imperfect, messy step forward.
3. Write it down. Make it visible.
Sticky notes. Top of your planner. Phone lock screen. The key is to remind yourself with visual cues throughout the week.
4. BONUS: Add accountability
Creating accountability is the secret to achieving big goals.
This is especially true for neurodivergent adults with executive function gaps. I use my “board of directors” every single week to make sure I reach my micro goals.
Most of the time, a 15-minute body-doubling session over FaceTime is enough to get me started. Then, I send a voice note or a photo when I'm done.
Final Thoughts
Less than 10% of people achieve their goals. And, it's becuase they aren't setting goals in a way that works with their brains. Micro goals change that.
A micro goal is a small action you take before the end of the week. Often, they are so small that it feels pointless. But some progress is better than none at all.
This week, try setting one micro goal using these steps:
Pick one big goal you care about.
Choose one step to take this week.
Write it down. Make it visible.
BONUS: Use an accountability partner.
Remember, make it simple. So simple, you would be silly not to do it. The first step doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to happen. What matters is that you start.
This is how autistic adults and adults with ADHD build systems that work.
One small step at a time.
In service,
Eric
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident. Book Eric to speak or lead a workshop.
