How to Stop Playing the Comparison Game (3 Neurodivergent-Friendly Steps)
- Eric Kaufmann
- Oct 3
- 5 min read
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Hi Friend,
In reflection, I’ve realized how low my confidence and self-esteem were in high school. A large part of that was because I constantly played a mental game I could never win. Every day, it chipped away at my self-esteem.
He’s so much better than I am at baseball. I’ll never make the varsity team.
He’s so cool. Why can’t I be like that?
In college, the comparisons continued. Social media made it worse. I’d see someone tan, shredded, and smiling, and think, I’ll never look that good at the beach.
As an adult, the game didn’t stop:
How did he afford another ski trip to Colorado?
He’s already making 6 figures?
She bought a condo?!
Here's the thing: we always lose the comparison game. And, when we play it, we miss the amazing parts of our lives.
When I notice someone's perfect home office, I forget about how lucky I am to live near the beach.
When I notice some dude with a six-pack, I forget about how I dedicate my fitness to surfing, not getting ripped.
Every comparison we make turns up the volume on our own insecurities. And for many neurodivergent adults with ADHD or who are on the autism spectrum, this spiral spins deeper because of executive function skill gaps in emotional regulation and metacognition.
To be honest, I still play this game sometimes. But these days, I’ve learned how to catch myself before the shame spiral spins too deep.
Now, when I start to play the game, I pause, reset, and focus on what I do have. Today, I want to teach you how.
Let’s dive in.
What is The Comparison Game?
The comparison game happens when we take one small snippet of our own life and measure it against an assumed version of someone else’s. Then, we shame ourselves for not measuring up.
It often sounds like:
“She’s running her own business, has three kids, and keeps her house spotless. Why can’t I stick to a plan for just one day?”
“He just got promoted and drives a Tesla. I hate my job and can’t afford a vacation.”
Social media fuels this game, and if we’re not careful, it makes it impossible to enjoy the small but meaningful parts of our own lives. When we let it run wild, it chips away at our self-worth.
Theodore Roosevelt said it best: “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
But we don’t need to play the comparison game. With practice, we can improve executive function skills like metacognition and emotional regulation, catch ourselves playing the game, and step away.
Why We Always Lose When We Compare
No matter how we play the game, we will never win.
We compare our worst days to someone else’s highlight reel.
We shine a spotlight on insecurities that only magnify when compared.
We forget that everyone has struggles we can’t see.
There will always be someone with a cleaner kitchen, nicer car, more organized office, or “perfect” family photo.
For neurodivergent adults, this is especially draining because it fuels the executive function shame spiral. That’s where one negative thought snowballs into hours of self-blame. I’m sure you’ve been there.
The more we play, the more we believe we're no good. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to stop.
3 Steps to Stop the Comparison Game and Improve Executive Function Skills
You can’t avoid every comparison. It’s a natural human instinct. But you can learn to notice and shift your focus in three steps.
1) Call a timeout
Notice when you are playing the comparison game and acknowledge it. There’s no need to judge yourself. Instead, say, “Oh, I’m playing the comparison game. I’m calling a timeout.”
This builds your metacognition, a key executive function skill.
2) Make an audible
In football, an audible is called when the offense realizes its original play won’t be successful against the defense. Now that you've taken a timeout, make a cognitive audible, and shift your attention to the present.
The fastest way to do this is through our senses:
What are three things I see?
What are three things I feel?
What are three things I hear?
3) Make the small stuff big.
This last step is HUGE. It’s where we recognize the amazing things right in front of us.
The first sip of coffee in the morning.
The sound of rain on your car’s windshield.
The silly way your dog wiggles when you get home.
These tiny moments don’t get likes on social media, but that doesn't matter. They are the things that make life amazing!
Feel them. Enjoy them. Let them count.
With practice, these steps snap us out of the comparison game while improving our executive function skills by strengthening self-awareness (metacognition) and emotional control.
Summary
The comparison game is one we always lose. But by noticing it, shifting our focus, and reframing success, we give ourselves the power to stop playing.
For neurodivergent adults, like those of us with ADHD or who are autistic, learning to step out of this cycle doesn’t just protect our self-esteem; it helps improve executive function skills that make everyday life easier.
Here’s how you can stop playing the comparison game:
Call a timeout: when you catch yourself playing the game, take a pause.
Make an audible: use your senses to bring yourself into the present moment.
Make the small stuff big: notice the small, yet amazing moments from your day.
This week, try catching yourself mid-comparison. Instead of letting it spiral, let’s notice the small, yet amazing things that are only yours.
If this resonates, I’m offering a no-cost adult executive function coaching session to work on the biggest struggle in your life. Click here to schedule yours.
In service,
Eric
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident. Book Eric to speak or lead a workshop.
