How to Do Hard Things: A Neurodivergent Guide to Befriending Resistance
- Eric Kaufmann
- Oct 24
- 7 min read
Updated: Oct 28
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Neurodivergent adults often struggle with the executive function skill of task initiation. Then, when resistance kicks in, they procrastinate, avoid, or distract themselves. This holds us back from reaching our goals and living the life we dream of.
In this post, I share a three-step framework for befriending resistance and getting started on our most dreaded tasks.
Table of Contents
Hi Friend,
I’m a big fan of podcasts. Something 15-year-old Eric would have never predicted as he complained about his mom listening to talk radio on long drives.
I love podcasts because they’re my chance to learn from people I’d never get to talk to.
Athletes who overcame career-ending injuries.
Neurodivergent tech geniuses who barely passed high school.
Comedians who grind for years to master their craft.
Actors with profound lessons from pretending to be someone else.
It’s not that I dream of being as “successful” as they are. That much fame comes at a cost I’d never want to pay.
I believe there’s something to learn. Something that helps me become the best version of myself.
Recently, I asked myself: What do all these high performers have in common? One skill stood out.
It’s underrated. It’s not flashy. It’s not discipline, focus, or grit.
It’s the ability to befriend resistance.
Through an executive function lens, that’s mastering task initiation, the skill that helps us start things we don’t want to do.
Because no matter what we pursue, resistance shows up.
Honestly, I feel it every day.
I’m tired. I wish I could just chill. I really don’t want to. I can’t.
I bet you do too. Because, when it comes to growth, resistance always shows up:
“I'm not smart enough to get promoted.”
“I'm too tired to work out today.”
“I'll never stay organized.”
We aren’t taught how to handle this in school. There’s no “Resistance 101.” While some people develop this skill naturally, many of us, especially neurodivergent adults with ADHD or who are autistic, don’t.
Luckily, our brains are designed to learn, change, and grow. That’s what executive function coaching is all about.
Today, I’ll teach you how to notice resistance, befriend it, and take action despite it.
Let’s dive in.
Why Befriending Resistance Improves Executive Function Skills
When we learn to work with resistance instead of fighting it, we strengthen executive function skills like emotional regulation, planning, and task initiation.
We procrastinate less.
We start doing the things we’ve been avoiding.
We live more intentionally.
But, this isn’t only about being more productive. It’s about building self-trust and integrity.
Because when we befriend resistance, we become the kind of people who can do hard things consistently. We set goals and stay committed. We understand our emotions, energy levels and take action in accordance with them.
Most of all, we become who we are destined to be. We discover our true calling. We uncover our purpose.
So if all of this is true, why does our brain naturally resist the difficult, yet meaningful challenges in our lives?
Why Our Brains Resist (Especially ADHD and Autistic Brains)
Last week, I sat on the gym floor for 15 minutes, trying to convince myself to start a HIIT workout.
“This is going to suck. I don’t want to be here. I’m tired.”
But all that resistance was really just a cue. A signal that I needed a strategy. So I flipped the script:
“I hear you. This is hard, and you’re tired. But you’re going to be proud afterward. Just start with two reps.”
There isn’t one reason why our brains resist. Everyone’s experience is different. But for neurodivergent adults, resistance is often louder and harder to move through because of executive function weaknesses.
Here’s why:
ADHD and dopamine. People with ADHD often have lower baseline dopamine, which affects motivation and task initiation.
The executive function shame spiral. One bad experience with follow-through can create shame that fuels avoidance.
Emotional dysregulation. Anxiety, fear, or boredom can make it feel impossible to start.
Paralysis by analysis. We plan, tweak, and overthink instead of acting.
Perfectionism. The belief that we must do it right the first time keeps us frozen.
Environmental overwhelm. Too much noise, clutter, or stimulation can make any task feel like climbing Everest.
Energy misalignment. High energy tasks require high energy moments. We ignore this and end up trying to do hard things when we are exhausted.
Resistance is a protective instinct. It’s our brain’s attempt to avoid discomfort, uncertainty, or failure. It’s trying to keep us safe. Because of this, neurodivergent people make a few common mistakes when dealing with it.
The Mistakes People Make When Resistance Shows Up
Have you ever started a diet, only to give in to temptation after a week?
How many times have you designed your ideal morning routine, but never stuck with it?
Do you dream of writing a book, starting a business, or going back to school?
Most of us respond to resistance in one of two ways: we avoid or we force.
Avoidance looks like procrastination, excuses, or distractions.
Forcing looks like trying to “power through” with motivation, willpower, or guilt. This leads straight to burnout.
Neither works long-term.
"Most of us have two lives. The life we live, and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance."
Steven Pressfield, The War of Art
Above all, the biggest mistake is ignoring the fact that task initiation is a skill. In fact, it’s one of the core executive function skills that make planning, organization, and goal-directed persistence possible.
If you struggle to start, it’s not because you’re lazy, broken, or destined for mediocracy. It’s because no one ever taught you how to befriend resistance.
How to Befriend Resistance and Do Hard Things in 3 Steps
Befriending resistance requires intentionality. For neurodivergent brains, a step-by-step framework helps.
Here’s the 3-step framework I use and teach to my adult executive function clients:
1. Notice and name resistance.
This takes emotional regulation. When resistance shows up, pause and identify the feeling.
Ask: What am I actually feeling right now?
Example: “Why am I avoiding cleaning the kitchen? Because it’s boring and I’d rather do anything else.”
2. Reconnect with your why.
Tie the task to something you value greatly, a goal you have, or how it will serve others. This helps generate a sense of purpose around whatever you are resisting.
Example: “A clean kitchen helps me feel calm. Plus, my wife will be happy, and that matters to me.”
3. Take one simple step.
Action dissolves resistance. Choose a step so simple you’d feel silly not doing it. Usually, once you start, resistance wanes and momentum kicks in.
Example: “I’ll just spray the counters and see what happens.”
Summary
Resistance isn’t your enemy. It’s a signal. It shows you where growth lives.
When we learn to befriend resistance, we improve executive function skills like task initiation, emotional regulation, and planning. We procrastinate less, progress towards our goals, and build trust in ourselves.
Here’s your challenge for the week:
Notice one moment when resistance shows up.
Name the emotion(s) that are getting in the way.
Reconnect with your why.
Do one simple step.
Befriending resistance takes time. I’m not sure we ever “master” this skill. But with patience, kindness, and intentionality, we can get better at doing hard things.
In service,
Eric
FAQs
Why is it so hard for people with ADHD or autism to start tasks?
Starting tasks, also called task initiation, is one of the most common executive function challenges for neurodivergent adults.
For those with ADHD, lower dopamine levels make it harder for the brain to shift from thought to action. For autistic adults, sensory overload or anxiety about transitions can make starting feel overwhelming.
While this is a neurological challenge, task initiation is a skill that can be learned. With practice, systems, and self-compassion, you can improve executive function skills and make starting feel less like pushing a boulder uphill.
What does it mean to “befriend resistance”?
Befriending resistance means recognizing that the feeling of not wanting to do something isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s information.
Instead of fighting resistance or waiting for motivation, we pause, name the emotion, and take one tiny action anyway.
This approach strengthens emotional regulation, one of the key executive function skills that helps neurodivergent adults with ADHD or autism follow through on their goals and build self-trust over time.
How can I improve my task initiation and stop procrastinating?
When resistance shows up, try my 3-step Befriending Resistance Framework:
Notice and name what you’re feeling.
Reconnect with your why—the deeper reason you want to take action.
Do one simple step—something so simple you can’t say no.
This gentle method helps retrain your brain to act even when motivation is low. Over time, it improves executive function skills like planning, focus, and emotional control while reducing chronic procrastination.
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About the Author
Eric Kaufmann is an Educational Therapist, Certified Executive Function Coach, and speaker. He is the Co-founder of UpSkill Specialists, an executive function coaching company that helps adults and workplace teams overcome disorganization, procrastination, and productivity roadblocks. Eric is also the founder of Elevate Learning Solutions, an Educational Therapy practice that supports neurodivergent students in becoming independent and confident. Book Eric to speak or lead a workshop.
